those quiet goddesses are the most dangerous

I think a lot as I drive, and one of the things I think about is how families fit into categories. You probably know a family that seems right out of Faulkner or the Simpsons or Dickens or Hogwarts or perhaps Road Runner cartoons. Other people besides me do this, don't they? Sure they do! Well, my cousin's family falls into the Greek myth category. They live in a farm in the North Carolina mountains, and it's every bit as pretty as Mount Olympus. My cousin's husband looks like Poseidon, although perhaps Poseidon on Prozac, because he's calm and pleasant, none of that vengeance stuff. RM herself would have to be Hestia, goddess of the hearth. She's the one who keeps the wood stove going, bakes the bread, tends the garden and the chickens and ducks. She also keeps the goats and makes the cheese. Bernard, the dramatic youngest daughter, is clearly Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty. Auburn-haired with gorgeous eyes, she is known for her drawings of Reubenesque mermaids. She loves to shop and socialize and she sings like a siren. They may live in the mountains, but she loves the beach. Definitely a 15-year-old Aphrodite.

And Ed, the 20-year-old—I see Artemis, goddess of the flocks and the chase, every time I look at her. She's truly lovely, tall and willowy with golden hair, soft-spoken and low-key. She's at home on the land and can ride her horse for hours in the woods. She's magical with their farm animals and has even trained her border collie to bring her walnuts and crack them for her. Her pursuits are more solitary, reading, drawing and knitting. I don't know if she's an archer, but she should be. And like Artemis, it's easy to forget just how dangerous she can be.

Aphrodite and Artemis share a part-time job working with animals. A supervisor was hired as boss to the girls and several others at the job. I can't remember his name, so we'll just call him Jethro, for lack of anything slimier-sounding. He was 37 and almost good-looking in a sleazy kind of way and thought he must be irresistible to Aphrodite, who is actually quite capable of taking care of herself. But her firm redirection as he ran his hand down her leg or adjusted her bra strap or said something totally inappropriate didn't seem to be working. Oh, and did I mention he was her boss?

Being summer, the girls made an after-work trip down to the river to swim, a fact that proves they are among the immortal because that mountain river water is cold as Hades. And in that uncanny way that creepers have in appearing where they are least wanted, Jethro showed up, ostensibly to swim, but really to gawk and further his attentions to Aphrodite. He came riding in on a golf cart, an unlikely but somehow perfect vehicle for a seriously seedy villain. And so he resumed his courtship of Aphrodite.

Artemis watched for a bit and then smilingly beckoned Jethro over. He came eagerly, perhaps thinking of switching his focus to her. She looked at him silently for a moment and then said in a calm pleasant voice, "Jethro? If you touch my sister again, I'm going to castrate you like a motherfucking pig. And I know how because I've done it before." She smiled. He backed up, fear in his eyes. "I, uh, believe you," he stammered. When Hestia showed up shortly after to pick up the girls, Jethro was tearing out of the parking area, riding the golf cart far faster than safe and tilted on two wheels. When she asked what happened, Artemis told her, adding innocently, "But I said it very sweetly."

Jethro didn't stick around those parts much after that. I'm not sure I blame him.